What's in Your Cup?

One day, a monk posed this question to his students:

“If you’re holding a cup of tea and someone bumps into you, causing you to spill it, why did you spill the tea?”

A student replied, “Because someone ran into me and made me spill it.”

The monk shook his head. “No. You spilled tea because there was tea in your cup. If water had been in your cup, you would have spilled water. Whatever you are carrying is what will spill out.”

Someone's Cup Is Full

There’s a director we know who is infamous for losing his cool during production week. At least once, he’ll go raccoon with rabies on everyone. It’s pretty terrible. Later, he’ll say he was “just stressed” or “if you all would just get your entrances right” or “if you all were better at taking direction!”

But the truth is, that is all him. When he gets bumped, rage is what spills out. It wasn’t the actors, or the backstage crew, or the poor 16-year-old running lights. All of that ire was already in there.

To be a good director, you can’t blame others for “what’s in your cup.” It’s not your cast’s job to manage your mood. And taking it out on your crew severely damages morale and trust.

Quick Tips to Keep Cool as a Director:

1. Visualize the person you are angry at as a child. We give kids grace because their brains are still developing—they’re impulsive, emotional, and learning. The truth is, some grownups, because of life circumstances, are just children with adult heads. Try extending them the same grace you would a 3rd grader.
   

2. Goals VS Expectations. Expectations rely on other people to be fulfilled. Goals are within your control. Frustration often comes from tying your peace of mind to someone else’s performance. When possible, reframe what you want so it depends on your actions, not theirs.
   

3. Replace BUT with AND in arguments. In conflict, “but” tends to erase whatever came before it. For example: “You’re great on stage, but I need you to project more.” Most people will only hear the criticism. Try: “You’re great on stage, and I need you to project more.” It keeps both ideas intact and lowers defensiveness.

   
   

When you work on what you’re carrying inside, you gain control over what spills out. And that’s the real magic behind a close-knit, loyal team.